The funniest thing about Dating Naked UK is the little note it came with when it arrived in my inbox. This note, of course, solemnly declares that the participants of this nude reality show received psychological support during and after its production. Great, good, that’s the least you can do. You might say it’s the bare minimum. But that’s not all. “Strict hygiene and dignity protocols were in place during filming.” What’s not to love? Thorough hygiene management? Dignity Protocol? I can’t press the play button quickly enough.
After watching the first episode, I thought dignity protocol had been broken. This setup is familiar to anyone who has walked past a laptop, phone, or television screen over the past decade or so. A group of single people, mostly in their 20s, are struggling to find love through the app. So they all signed up for a very nice vacation in the sun in a villa. There, you can leave behind the shallow world of swiping and find deeper relationships. Of course, there’s a twist. There always has to be a twist, so the twist is that they don’t wear clothes. that’s it.
For years, Naked Attraction has made for some solid entertainment that people definitely keep an eye on and pretend to judge people by their hairstyle alone, honestly. But once the couples were matched naked, they were sent out into the real world for their first date in completely dull clothing. However, I’m not sure if Naked Attraction was the romantic type. Once the “experiment” ended, we heard very little of the couple reuniting.
So, we can say that dating naked means always taking your clothes off, from meetings to blind dates to dates. And it continues one of Naked Attraction’s most endearing features. Both here and there, the hug is a nightmarish mess of body distortions. In an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David describes the strict dignity protocol of hugging: “I need to get my butt back on track.” It’s like ballet watching strangers meet each other for the first time and wonder how far back they should bow to be polite while asking, “Can I hug you?” It’s almost beautiful.
In the American show Date Naked, all parts of the swimsuit that were not visible were blurred out, but this was not the case in the German show. We chose the German side. For some reason, most people here walk around like happy naked peacocks, pretending to be shocked that they’re naked. “I can’t believe I’m walking into this house naked,” says the woman who will appear on the TV show Date Naked. The man who wakes up one morning and simply exclaims, “This is a tropical paradise and we’re all naked,” is the most honest of them all. Perhaps he came up with the original idea.
Everyone says they’re participating in yet another TV love experiment because they’re tired of trying and failing to find love the traditional way. No one has ever fully understood how being naked fits into photography. There are some shared lines scattered around the villa as if trying to stick it together. (Don’t worry, we have strict hygiene protocols in place!) One is that being naked makes everyone more vulnerable, so it’s easier to see each other’s true selves if everyone is naked. That’s it. Another thing is that you can’t hide your personality based on what you wear. One participant says he loves expensive cars and clothes, but in this house, the women may discover his humanity. Imagine owning nothing. As John Lennon sings, I wonder if I can do it. Even if you don’t get too distracted by everyone’s stringy tan lines.
A man was riding a horse when he said, “I feel like my balls are attached to the saddle.” But sanitary protocols aside, another vaguely interesting thing about “Date Naked” is that it’s hosted by Rylan Clark. Clark remains fully clothed and only once says, “I feel like I’m a little too dressed.” Otherwise, it’s one heavily constructed reality show after another as partnerships are packed up and thrown out faster than you can leave a cardigan on your doorstep. In the great history of naked television shows, my penchant for nudity and horror might say something about me. But this is a lot of work.
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